Dr. StrangeJob: Equalize This!

Not all political parties are equal, but it appears that candidates from each of the three main provincial parties are equal in their use of social media.

The Liberal party dropped a candidate over inappropriate Twitter comments. An NDP candidate was forced to resign because of inappropriate online statements, and the Progressive Conservatives dropped a candidate because of an inappropriate Twitter joke. 

Notice a trend here? That’s correct: all parties are equal when it comes to selecting inappropriate candidates.

Dr. StrangeJob is the appropriate candidate for premier of Cape Breton because his wild and wicked years were pre-internet, so he has no embarrassing digital footprint. The skeletons in the Doctor’s closet are either well buried or already dancing. Search all you want — you will find no online evidence of the Doctor referring to anyone other than career politicians with disdain or mistrust. OK, perhaps he is not 100% behind entitled minions blindly following dictated provincial policy to the detriment of our island either, but, hey, why would he be?

He does, however, have a directive to deal with the 800-pound gorilla in this election, equalization. Equalization should not be shrouded in silence or treated as a political gong show. Equalization must become our ultimate game of survival and Cape Breton politicians not willing to address it need to be voted off the island.

In a rare strategic move, the 800-pound gorilla in this election has vowed to stand by Dr. StrangeJob’s side in all future public appearances. That is correct, wherever or whenever Dr. StrangeJob speaks, there will be a gorilla in the midst and equalization will be at the forefront of all discussions.

The threat of gorilla-warfare will instill fear in the hearts of politicians currently unwilling to address the equalization issue. Politicians may have successfully sidestepped the elephant in the room, but once confronted by Dr. StrangeJob and the 800-pound gorilla in this election they will have no choice but to support equalization. Dr. StrangeJob promises a return to just equalization payments for our island. Let’s put our focus on an Equalized Island (EI) and any politicians unwilling to support EI on employment insurance.

My track record for predicting election results may not be the best, and I fear for our island’s future regardless of the outcome. If the Liberals win, then card-carrying union members may as well rip them up because a vindicated Liberal government will be out for blood. If the PCs win, then I predict there will be a new “Anyone but Baillie” movement starting very soon on social media sites near you. If the NDP win, then we may have less short-term turmoil, but in four years we would have dug a billion-dollar deficit hole. On second thought, perhaps there is not much difference between the parties after all.

In any case, this election may be too close to call. Political pundit Graham Steele, for example, predicts a Liberal majority, a Liberal minority or a PC minority. Dr. StrangeJob can’t match those odds, but does hope for a clear majority of common sense. In lieu of common sense, he will settle for fewer entitled MLAs and a Cape Breton balance of people power.

Equal is what equal does.

 

Dr. StrangeJob

 

Dr. StrangeJob is a local satirical blogger, retired educator, social activist, creator of Incompetents Anonymous and interim leader of the CBLA-InComps.

 

 

 

The Cape Breton Spectator is entirely reader supported, consider subscribing today!