NSBI Presents: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre

Joe Flaherty as Count Floyd.

Joe Flaherty as Count Floyd.

(With apologies to Joe Flaherty and any reader unfamiliar with SCTV’s Count Floyd. Or maybe any reader familiar with SCTV’s Count Floyd.)

I wasn’t planning to do anything special for Halloween this year, even though I’m actually publishing ON HALLOWEEN, but then I received the latest Nova Scotia Business Inc (NSBI) press release about productions funded via the Nova Scotia Film and Television Production Incentive Fund.

Next thing I knew, I was searching through previous press releases and channeling my inner Count Floyd to bring you this exclusive, one-week only, Monster Chiller Horror Marathon of Nova Scotia-Funded Productions!

There are many spooky things in this story, but the spookiest may be that the Fund guidelines specify that “Reality television” programs are “NOT eligible for funding” and yet, I would argue, four of the five programs I’ve including here qualify as reality television. (NSBI tells me they’re documentaries).

But I am getting bogged down in details. Sit back, children, and prepare to be very, very scared! I mean, “Blood-sucking Monkeys of West Mifflin, Pennsylvania” scared!

Ah-Ooooooooh!

 

The Redneck Psychic

Documentary, Redneck Psychic, produced by Beyond Productions Inc., has been approved for a funding commitment of $105,418 based on eligible Nova Scotia expenditure of $340,060.–NSBI, February 2017

Television series, Redneck Psychic Season 1, produced by Beyond2 Productions Inc., has been approved for a funding commitment of $278,403 based on an eligible Nova Scotia expenditure of $870,011.–NSBI October 2018

This show is so scary I am shaking even though it hasn’t been made yet! It is based on the also very scary documentary, The Redneck Psychic which was based on the terrifying Eastlink phone-in show called (see if you can psychically guess, kids) The Redneck Psychic!

The Psychic, Kelley Muise, is from Yarmouth and she (excuse me, kids, I’m just going to read the scary blurb from the Eastlink website):

…investigates paranormal locations, performs exorcisms and presents other facets of what makes her job interesting for the world to see. Mixed with her “off the grid” and flamboyant family who live in the backwoods of Yarmouth, we’ll show both sides of her crazy life, hoping to capture some captivating otherworldly footage in the process.

Watch this very frightening clip in which she uses a dowsing rod to find a dead rat in a freezer and her husband cooks some food:

 

Haunted

Television series Haunted, produced by Winter Light Productions Limited, has been approved for a funding commitment of $281,619 based on eligible Nova Scotia expenditure of $880,060. — NSBI, December 2016

This features the same “dynamic duo” of “paranormal researchers” that brought you those scary, scary Ghost Cases, Paul Andrew Kimball and Holly Stevens. Kimball carried on as an “award-winning director” and Stevens went to British Columbia to study “science” after Ghost Cases wrapped up (like a mummy!)

But then, they reunited to make super scary videos like this one filmed in Yarmouth, the West Mifflin of Nova Scotia:

 

Haunted – Holly Stevens at the Yarmouth jail from Winter Light Productions on Vimeo.

I hope that didn’t frighten you too much, boys and girls. Especially the part where she HEARS SOMETHING THAT MIGHT HAVE COME FROM UPSTAIRS! (Okay, so maybe this would not have won the Western Pennsylvania Fright Award of 1978, but still, look at how damaged that paint job is! That would be a nightmare to repair!)

 

Curse of Oak Island (Season 5)

TV series, Curse of Oak Island Season 5, produced by Tell Tale International Inc., has been approved for a funding commitment of $1,926,689 based on eligible Nova Scotia expenditure of $6,531,148.–NSBI, October 2017

This is so frightening, kids, you will be shaking in whatever kind of cool footwear children wear these days. This is about two brothers from Michigan who have been trying for FIVE SEASONS to find gold on an island off Nova Scotia but haven’t found any, so had nothing to show Stephen Colbert on The Late Show except a bag of coconut fiber and some old scissors:

 

 

Brojects: In the House (Season 2)

Brojects: In The House Season 2, a television series produced by Brojects NS Limited, has been approved for a funding commitment of $68,463 based on eligible Nova Scotia expenditure of $232,078. — NSBI, September 2016

In this super scary series, three brothers, not the Oak Island brothers, different brothers, build things — spooky things like floating docks with drink coolers! And double-decker party boats! And mobile beer coolers! And EPIC chair skis! And indoor beaches! So frightening, boys and girls!

It’s like they are teenage boys trapped in 30-something bodies! It will scare the little pants right off you!

(And it airs on the very creepy “Cottage Life” channel!)

 

Trailer Park Boys (Season 12)

Television series Trailer Park Boys Season 12, produced by Sunnyvale Productions 12 Incorporated, has been approved for a funding commitment of $1,444,573 based on eligible Nova Scotia expenditure of $4,659,915.–NSBI, June 2016

This is the scariest of all, kids — a show that really should have ended years ago but keeps staggering around like a Walking Dead creature!

Who is even on it anymore? I don’t know. I am too afraid to watch it again. I used to like it.

That is a very frightening thing, boys and girls, when something you once loved turns into a Zombie.

 

 

 

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