Dr. StrangeJob: Incompetents Destined for Cape Breton

Thousands upon thousands of taxpayer dollars are spent annually promoting Cape Breton Island as a tourist haven with varying success. Yet it only took a few hours for a local DJ to create a website that resulted in an overwhelming number of tourist inquiries, a major spike in tourism, and the equivalent of $10 million in Google ads. Cape Breton tourism could benefit from more “outside the box” thinking and less “inside the circle” entitlement.

Obligatory photo of Cabot Trail.

Obligatory photo of Cabot Trail.

Not to worry. The Doctor has a plan so far outside the box that the inner circle will not see it coming. Inspired by Dalhousie’s decision to fork over CAN$387,220 for Nova Scotia’s business elite to attend MIT’s Regional Entrepreneurship Acceleration Program (REAP), the Doctor proposes a similar partnership with the Cape Breton Centre of Incompetents and its newly minted Regional Assignation of Knucklehead Executives (RAKE) program. It’s a simple plan: create a frame-worthy parchment to entice world-class companies to send their incompetent elite to Cape Breton.

Our target audience is not the cream that floats to the top, but rather the floaters—the top echelon incompetent decision makers; the incompetents that cost companies or governments millions due to egregious decisions. The RAKE program will be marketed as a cost-saving initiative because it is ultimately cheaper to send the incompetent elite on a highfalutin’ course than to allow them to make costly decisions at home. Imagine if the Feds had had the foresight to send the incompetents who recommended the Phoenix Payroll System to RAKE rather than keeping them at the office. They would have saved at least $25 million on that one alone.

Not only will RAKE rake in big bucks for the Cape Breton Centre of Incompetents, but imagine the spinoff effects of the world’s incompetent elite spending their money on our island. Think limousine services, photography contracts, caddie tipping, and excessive hotel bills. The money will roll in, and all we need do is convince a few bureaucrats or mid-level managers that they will be saving money by sending their incompetent to Cape Breton. Heck, once we enroll candidates in RAKE, we can craft special offers to keep them here longer—they may visit for the island’s beauty, but we will keep them until they are competent enough to leave.

Destination Cape Breton, in partnership with the Cape Breton Centre of Incompetents, could pool their resources and create a world-class boondoggle marketing campaign. Any loco knows what locals know: even an incompetent can sell the beauty of this island. If you are incompetent, then you are destined for Cape Breton because incompetence seems to be what we do best. Just look at the abundance of natural resources we have in politics alone.

Your heart may leave, but we will keep your dollars here.

On the other hand, we can continue to do what we have always done while hoping for different results. I wonder if our tax money would be better spent addressing our 1,000 per year outmigration rather than aiming for a few extra cruise ship tourists wandering the Sydney boardwalk looking for a $200,000 outhouse.

Until next time, that’s my two-cents’ worth.

Dr. StrangeJob


Dr. StrangeJob is a local satirical blogger, retired educator, social activist, and developer of the world’s first 12+1 step self-help group, Incompetents Anonymous.




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