Dr. StrangeJob Takes the Pledge: Fancy Outhouse Edition

What in God’s name enticed Joe Citizen to list 15 separate items in his CBRM Councillors’ Pledge? I was only required to follow 12 steps for the cure and a measly 10 to maintain my Catholic status.

Speaking of God, he seems to be playing an outsized role in this election. I have one opponent swearing upon his soul to God that he will solve all of our problems and another praying to God in Council Chambers.

Bathroom on CBRM boardwalk

Fancy outhouse.

I am currently in no state to separate God from the state of municipal politics!

Sorry, the pressure of staying somber is getting the best of me. I admit that I am powerless in the face of voter gullibility and that my campaign has become unmanageable. If you want to support the Doctor, then please become a financial sponsor and help me remove all defective candidates that stand in my way.

These are my final pledges:

11. I will respect and maintain Cape Breton’s green spaces.

You can always find me on the greens working on my back swing. I have been practicing my chip shots and know all about backspin. I can waggle or cut with the best of them, and I am above par compared to the other candidates. Hey, this approach worked for Manning MacDonald, the campaign chair of one of my opponents.

12. I will protect our public assets. No fast sales at too low a value.

I always cover my own assets first, but sometimes you just need a fast buck. How do you think we came up with the $200,000+ flush fund for a public toilet? Current council learned a valuable lesson from the Archibald Wharf debacle, i.e., if you need to build a fancy outhouse for the Sydney waterfront, then make sure you leave all the crap in someone else’s district.

13. I will protect our public funds. I respect that you don’t pay taxes in order to give out loans to private interests or be wasteful.

I understand that public funds come from your hard-earned tax dollars, that’s why my motto is “spend public money like it’s someone else’s”. I will follow the best practices of those that spent before me. If Mike Duffy can still collect out-of-town living expenses, then I will continue to fight for my $140/weekly travel allowance.

14. I will reject quid pro quo deals. I will not secretly trade favors with the mayor or council, nor private groups or business interests.

Yes, but only if you vote for me.

15. I will try to be a leader. I will not give up because an issue is too challenging, controversial, or my colleagues try to sway my hand.

I pledge to be the type of leader who meets your current expectations. When I lead, you will be forced, fooled, coerced or bribed to follow. If you don’t like that, then you should just shut up.

So ends the Doctor’s pledge.

Until next time—that’s my two cents’ worth.

P.S. I challenge all mayoralty candidates to a public debate in the pages of the Cape Breton Spectator. If Jon Stewart can interview presidential candidates, then there is no reason why Dr. StrangeJob can’t interview CBRM mayoralty candidates. Don’t just sit there – be a Spectator.

 

Dr. StrangeJob

 

Dr. StrangeJob is a local satirical blogger, retired educator, social activist, and developer of the world’s first 12+1 step self-help group, Incompetents Anonymous.

 

 

 

The Cape Breton Spectator is entirely reader supported, consider subscribing today!

%d bloggers like this: